Post by whitstabletangerin on Jan 28, 2011 18:51:14 GMT 1
I know there are a lot of serious goings on at the moment so thought a little light relief would not go amiss.
Our Problems Are Resolved......
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Parliament has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
The scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). persons selected to be RAPED can apply to their Local Authority to be considered for the SHAFT programme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (System Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Parliament deem appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Parliament.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Parliament has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not recieve enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (EVIL)
PS----- Due to recent budget cuts and rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.